Possibility: Timing Is Everything
by Mystic83
Summary: What if Starbuck’s sniper shot had connected with something other than her intended target? What if it caused one of the Fleet’s best assets to be grounded for life? KaraLee


This will be a series of stand-alone stories which deal with the choices that the characters on Battlestar Galactica have made throughout the mini-series and first season (I'll be posted in as much of the order of the season as I can). I want to explore what would have happened/changed if things had gone differently. Some of the stories will be angst, some will be shippy, some will be funny. There will be different pairings throughout. Don't feel like you have to check out each one to understand the others. All I ask is that if it intrigues you, then give it a try. Hope you enjoy reading the stories as much as I enjoyed writing them!

**_

* * *

There are pivotal moments in one's life where if you take the wrong path everything may change. Those changes may be for the good or for the bad. The possibilties are endless._**

* * *

Kara Thrace had rushed through the post-op briefings that were mandated for a mission on the level that she had just gone through. The Fleet took assassination attempts very seriously, especially when it was them doing the assassinating. At least she was still coherent enough to understand why she couldn't just blow them off. Though how much longer this coherence would stay was beyond her.

Still, if one more person had stopped her for her version of the events that took place on the Astral Queen, she wasn't liable if they were physically harmed. She wanted to get down to sick bay as soon as she could. Nothing mattered until she knew if she had killed him.

All she had seen was the blood.

There was blood everywhere.

His blood.

She hadn't been allowed to go down to the prison deck to see what had really happened. To see how much damage she had done. The Marines she was working with had whisked her right into a transport pod back to Galactica. They said that it would be better if she wasn't around to deal with the fallout.

"Fallout," she muttered as she stalked down another nameless corridor. "Insensitive bastards."

Nodding curtly to one of her fellow pilots whose name she couldn't recall, she did her best not to break into an all out run. She had spoken to Colonel Tigh, to President Roslin, even to the Chief. There was only one person she hadn't briefed yet, and that was only because she was avoiding him at all costs.

She wasn't ready to deal with the consequences of her actions. She wasn't prepared to understand that she had hurt the one man who had been watching her back for two years now. That she might just have hurt him in a way far worse than she had done before.

She understood why she felt the need to hurry, though. At the very least, she wanted to find out how much she had hurt him before owning up to it

She heard Dr. Baltar yell her name from somewhere down the hall behind her.

"No fraking way," she muttered before letting her legs take her into the run she had been avoiding. She was not taking the time to speak to the resident genius. He would only want to point out what a stupid mistake she had made and how ridiculous it was to care so much about one insignificant pilot given their situation. How could one pilot actually merit that much concern from her?

But he had never been insignificant to her. Not since the day they met.

She flew down the next two corridors and at least three flights of stairs without much thought to other passers-by. They would understand if they knew what had happened. But then, no one really knew.

No one knew the hesitation and the final decision to shoot. Only she did. And she hadn't told anybody. Not until she could figure out if that hesitation would keep her from losing him.

If it was as bad as she thought, that hesitation might be the only card she had to play. In triad terms, she had never been dealt such a hard hand to work with.

The sick bay was busy with action like always. It comforted her at first to notice that the more experienced doctors did not seemed rush. Everyone seemed to be functioning on their normal level. They usually were rushing around screaming orders if there was a bad trauma like when there was the explosion in Hanger Bay C a week or so ago.

Then, she realized that they might have had no need to rush. If her aim with a sharpshooter rifle was half as good as her aim with a Viper's weapon systems, there would be no reason to rush. No need to try to fix an already dead body.

She cursed herself softly. She had no idea where morbid thoughts like that came from. There sure as hell wasn't any real need for them. Everyone knew the direness of situations like this. It seemed as if they had multiplied in frequency the more dire her situation got, though. Not a pleasant after-effect of the world ending.

She ignored the strange glances that most people gave her and the polite inquiries the brave few had as to what she thought she was doing as she made her way past all the hospital beds. They would have put him in a back room, away from the traffic, away from prying eyes. They liked to keep this kind of thing hush hush.

A closed curtain with a few medical personnel milling around it caught her eye. This had to be it. Taking a deep breath, she did her best to calmly walk over to where they stood. "I have to see him," she mumbled, not wanting to meet their eyes. She was willing to bet they knew that she was responsible for the whole thing. It seemed like everyone knew already.

"He's not stable yet," one of the nurses said.

"I have to see him," she muttered again.

Okay, she knew that she could be a little more polite. Maybe explain to them who she was and why knowing this man was going to live meant so much to her. Too bad she didn't have the patience for politeness. "Now. I have to see him now," she growled, sending them her best death glare.

The nurses exchanged looks and then backed off.

Now that her goal was in sight, she found she had trouble making her feet move the last few steps it would take. She was scared for the first time in years of what she would find behind that damn curtain. Fear was not something she could deal with right now.

Her hand was trembling visibly as she parted the curtain and took her first hesitant step inside.

And there he was, with at least five machines plugged into him and looking as pale as she had ever seen him. Lying there motionless. Lying there with a rather sloppy looking bandage on his arm, already showing signs of blood soaking through. Lying there with tubes connected to a machine in order for him to breathe.

She couldn't walk any farther. If she did, she'd probably collapse. Maybe give up completely.

She had done this to him.

Taking a seat on the floor right next to the bed, she pulled her knees in close and started to rock gently. This had always worked when she was hiding from her father when she was little. Usually the reality just sort of faded away.

But every time she looked up, he was still there. The machines were still beeping at a steady weight. Her guilt was still right in her face.

"Oh god. I could have killed him."

The tears didn't surprise her as much as they should have. She hadn't cried in years. But that had been at the funeral of his brother, so it all had a bit of poetic irony to it. Plus, at least this way, she knew she wasn't totally without emotion. There must be a heart in there somewhere if it could be breaking so hard right now.

"Sitting on the floor and crying is not going to help him."

The voice made her jump. She should have known that he would be there. Where else would you be if this had happened to him on any other day?

She pulled herself up off the floor and did her best to wipe the tears away. "I'm sorry, sir. Didn't realize anyone else was around."

William Adama shook his head and walked over to stand beside her. He pulled her hand into his. "You can cry. I just think you might be in the way on the floor like that."

Even though she didn't want to, his words made her laugh. The sound seemed hollow in the sparse surroundings, and she found herself choking on it almost immediately. Laughter was not welcome to her when he was right in front of her face, hurting so much because of her stupid choice. The silence returned, save for the beeping of the machines.

"You've been avoiding me, Kara."

She didn't respond.

The Commander let out a long sigh before squeezing her hand gently and letting go. "I'm not going to force an explanation out of you. I'm sure you'll tell me in time. Let me just say this. Decisions in war time are not always logical, and oftentimes they hurt. But you do what you have to do. I hold each of my soldiers up to that standard, including you."

Without another word, he left her alone to resume her thoughts.

William Adama had always been one to do the things she least expected. Accepting his son could love a woman like her. Inviting her to work under him when she had nothing else. Joking and being supportive when her latest screw-up had thrown his life for another drastic twist.

It hit her suddenly that she was finally alone with him. And she finally knew how bad she had fraked things up.

"Oh, Lee. What have I done to you?" she whispered, taking the final steps to stand beside his bed that she couldn't muster a few moments before.

The only thing that running through her head now that she could see the evidence of what she had done was trying to come up with her reasoning. Why had she been so intent to get rid of Zarek as soon as the chance arose? Why had she decided that she couldn't fail this one mission if it meant getting the hostages back safe? Why had it been so frakkin' important that she remove this one scumbag from their ragtag fleet?

Like always, she had been determined to get the bad guy. And look where it had ended up.

She reached forward tentatively and grasped the hand of the non-bandaged arm. She prayed that it wasn't causing him any pain because she didn't think she could go on standing there without knowing that he was still alive. That he still felt at least a little warm even though there were machines keeping him alive.

She probably stood like that for twenty minutes before someone came in to tell her that she should be leaving. The patient needed to rest.

One steely glare sent them running.

She wasn't going to leave unless they put her in handcuffs and dragged her down to the brig, kicking and screaming.

She let go of his hand briefly to shrug out of the Marine jumpsuit she had been wearing. It was starting to make her feel claustrophobic. That and it kept reminding her of the role she had been desperate to play. Marine. Sharpshooter. Hero.

"Nope. Still only a screw-up," she said, pitching the material into the nearest wall. She never wanted to see that outfit again.

The cold air hit her fast, and she was suddenly glad for the extra tank and pair of sweatpants she had smuggled underneath the uniform. She wasn't about to leave Lee's side to go get more clothes from her locker. With her luck, she would return to find that she had been forbidden to even look at him. If anyone knew the whole truth of what had happened, she wouldn't be within ten feet of his bed.

At first, she just sat lightly on the side of the bed, testing it to see if it would support her weight. When she realized how ridiculous that sounded, of course the bed would hold her, she stretched herself out on the small edge of the bed that wasn't occupied by him already. She didn't want to aggravate what had already been done to him just because she needed to reassure herself that he was going to pull through this one. The metal bars on the side helped to keep her from falling off, so she was fairly secure in her cramped position.

Silently, she slid her hand back into his and pulled it up to rest against her lips. He was so cold. It was as unlike him as you could get. No matter how cool or cold his personality might come off, he always carried with him this sense of being alive. It was something she envied on most days. She was the total opposite. Her personality was as hot and fiery as you could get, but still everyone thought of her as a cold, hard bitch. They might not admit it, but they did.

"Always the opposites, weren't we, Lee?" she whispered. With a light brush of her lips against his fingertips, she allowed her thoughts to slow down and her body to give in to the physical and emotional fatigue of what she had done.

Sleep was a luxury she really wasn't sure she deserved, but it was what she was getting apparently.

* * *

The first thing she realized when she woke up was how warm she actually was for once. It reminded her of her bed back in her little apartment on Caprica back when life still existed and not the cold slab she called a home here in the vastness of space.

"So comfy," she muttered, snuggly farther into her bed.

"Well, I never got that compliment before, if that's what that was. But thank you. I guess."

Her eyes flew open at the sound of his voice. "Lee."

"That's me."

His infamous smile beamed down at her, and it was all she could do not to start crying again. "You're awake."

"And you hog the covers."

"No one's ever complained before," she mumbled while pushing herself so that she sat with her feet hanging off the side of the bed. As the reality of what had happened hit home, she suddenly found she could not make eye contact with him. The guilt was back full force. "So, you're breathing on your own. That's a good sign."

"You have a gift for stating the obvious." He placed his free hand onto her shoulder in his usual sign that he was doing okay.

It was too much to take, and she let herself shrug him off quickly. Having physical contact with him was no longer a comfort now that he was awake. "I was just waiting to make sure you were going to be okay. I'll go and let you rest now. The med people have been practically begging to get me out of their way."

"Kara, don't be silly. If you were concerned enough to fall asleep in my hospital bed, then you probably shouldn't be rushing right out of the room now that I'm awake." He smiled at her again, and she could feel her heart break all over again. "Besides, I want you to stay."

She brushed that comment off, not wanting to think about how much it meant to her that he would want her to stay with him even after all she had done. "Have the doctors been in to see you?"

"Yes."

She waited for him to elaborate. He didn't. That was either an extremely good thing or an extremely bad thing. She really wasn't sure. "And?"

"And it seems I'm never going to fly again."

She turned to glare at him. "That is not funny, Lee Adama. I don't know why you would think that was appropriate to say. I've been going half way insane with worry, and comments like that really make me wonder why I would bother."

The expected blush and apology for his words never came. Instead she watched him avoid making eye contact with her, and she was suddenly acutely aware of the arm that was still bandaged up tightly. When she looked back up at his face, she noticed something she had missed before. He was putting up a brave front. As much as he tried to joke and kid with her, he was in real pain. And it seemed like he was using sarcasm and teasing as a defense mechanism like she usually did.

That's when it hit her like a brick.

He was not joking.

Disbelief set in immediately as she sprung off the bed and started backing towards the closed curtain, shaking her head emphatically. "No way."

"The doctor was in here a few minutes ago. He said the X-rays indicate the bullet managed to hit a nerve in my arm before lodging itself somewhere in my shoulder. That kind of thing has a million to one chance, believe it or not. The doc says I'm never really going to be able to function at the level that a Viper pilot needs to be so I'll grounded. Apparently indefinitely."

"Stop joking. It's not funny anymore."

"I'm not joking, Kara."

The pain in his eyes made her stop protesting immediately. His brave front was starting to falter. And she knew that Lee wouldn't keep on lying to her like that if it was just a joke. That still didn't mean she understood why it had happened. "I don't get it, Lee. Your injury looks pretty superficial to me. I've gotten worse in that stupid bar fight on Picon three years back."

"I don't really understand either, so that makes two of us."

In reality, she knew the answer to why the bullet had done so much damage. Take one frak-up of a Viper Pilot. Add a rifle and one convicted terrorist. Throw in a physically beaten CAG and one near death deckhand. With anger, pull the trigger.

She could be good at her job when she set her mind to it.

"The doctor's are right, though, about the damage being mostly permanent. I can already feel the difference in my arm through all the pain killers. There's no hope of it ever healing to the point that it once was."

"I don't get that either, Lee. You're being so damn rational about all this. You've apparently just lost your ability to fly, and you just seem to be taking the doctor's word as the cold, hard truth. How can you just give up so easily? Flying is all we have left in the world anymore. If what you're saying is true..." She shook her head as the words failed her.

"It is true, and there's a lot more to living than flying a Viper. You might not realize it right now, but there is. Anyway, I was thinking of quitting the military before our world went crazy. Now the decision is out of my hands. I'm trying to think of it as fate's way of stepping in to tell me I had the right idea. Early retirement was the way I was supposed to go apparently."

"That's bullshit, and you know it."

He did his best to shrug at her through the bandages. She could tell that through the brave front, he was trying to hold on to what little control he had. "That bullshit is the only thing keeping me from getting angry right now. I do not need to be angry. Not when I don't understand why this had to happen to me."

She felt her last bit of strength melt away at his words. He really wasn't trying to act so nonchalant about what had happened. She should have guessed it earlier. He was just trying to be brave for her sake. Because of what she had done. He was being understanding to the end, it seemed. It was such a good, old, dependable Lee thing to do. He was a martyr to the end when it came to her.

And that was when she felt the guilt kick back in. Talking with him, bantering with him, had made her forget what she had done for just a few precious moments. Now it was all coming flooding back. And there was nothing she could do to stop it.

The words came out before she could prevent it. "Oh god, Lee. If I had known this was going to happen, I never would have taken the shot. Never."

The smile fell off of his face immediately as her words hit home. And it was then that she knew she had just made the third biggest mistake in her life, after killing Zak and shooting Lee.

"You didn't know it was me, did you?"

He simply nodded, unable to form the words to tell her she was right. He didn't have to. The way he was looking at her right now was confirmation enough.

And any chance she had of not panicking from her mistake vanished. Her old defense mechanisms kicked in. "I'm just going to go then."

She looked at him for a moment, waiting to see if he would look at her and demand that she stay and explain. The Lee she had grown up with would know that she really hadn't meant for the situation to get this out of hand. He would want to know each and every detail of her mistake.

But he didn't say anything. He just stared at her with that uncomfortably cool gaze and gritted teeth. No sign of a brave front trying to keep the anger from surfacing anymore. She had done her best to completely destroy that for him.

Finally she couldn't take his unfeeling gaze anymore. She ran through the curtain and out the sickbay, mowing down several underlings in the process.

Frak. Frak. Frak.

How could she have been so stupid? Of course he wouldn't be able to be so brave if he had known she was the one that took flying away from him. As much as he denied it, flying was in his blood as much as it was in hers. It was the only thing he had ever considered doing since he was small. He would never have willingly quit.

No, it would take someone as stupid as her to make him give it up.

She pushed her way past a throng of pilots into the bunkroom. A few steps later and she was at her locker, rummaging around the bottom. When she couldn't figure what she was even looking for, she growled loudly and kicked the door as hard as she could. The picture attached to her mirror came loose and floated to the ground at her feet.

The image of herself, Zak, and Lee stared up at her accusingly. There it was. The evidence that they were all happy once. She never had figured out where exactly those feelings had ended up. They were just gone.

"Are you all right, Starbuck?" Boomer asked tentatively from where she was sitting talking with Crashdown.

Kara looked over at her fellow pilot. She didn't even have the energy to fire back a sarcastic remark. "No, I'm not. But that's not your problem." She shrugged and bent down to pick the picture up. After a moment when she realized that no one else was going to inquire what was happening, she knew that word must have gotten around. They already knew what she had done.

This time, upon leaving the bunkroom, everyone got out of her way. It seems that she wasn't the only one unsure of what to do with herself at the moment. All she knew was that she didn't want to see anyone right now. She had to have some peace if she was going to be able to figure out how she could fix this problem.

Usually she just ignored her screw-ups until they were forgotten or the people involved were out of her life. But she couldn't just let this one go. She knew there was no way either the Commander or Lee would ever forget what she had done. And she wasn't sure if she could survive without having either Adama in her life. That meant she had to come up with some way that they would forgive her.

"You frakked up real good this time, Thrace," she scolded as she pushed open a door to an empty equipment closet. It was the only peaceful place she could think of where no one would come looking for her.

She locked the door behind her and sat down on the nearest counter. Lee still stared up at her from the picture in her hands.

How the frak was she ever going to make this better?

Taking a deep breath, she lightly touched Lee's face in the picture. "Lords of Kobol, hear my prayer. It's Kara Thrace again…"

* * *

The gods didn't answer her prayers in any way she could see. A week had gone without word on how Lee was doing. The sickbay had been closed off to outside personnel minutes after she stormed out. She could only assume that it had been at his request. She couldn't blame him. She wouldn't have wanted to see him if their situations were reversed.

She tried to talk to others to see if they had any information, but it wasn't easy to look people in the face when the accusation was right there in their eyes. So, the only news she had been able to gather was that Lee was going to be relatively fine from the accident. He wasn't in danger of dying from loss of blood or anything crazy like that. She was at least that lucky.

Even after she found out that he was going to be all right even if he could never fly again, everyone on board still looked at her in judgment for her actions now. Word of the details of what had occurred was common knowledge. She could feel their eyes on her everywhere she went. It was driving her a little more crazy each day.

That was the main reason she kept to her bunk in the bunkroom. It wasn't because she was avoiding having to talk to the Commander about what had made her fire that shot. It wasn't because she knew that she could find a way into sick bay to talk to Lee if only she would just try. It wasn't because she was scared.

She definitely wasn't scared to explain to people why she had felt it so important to take that shot at that particular moment. It would be easy to tell them why she had hesitated on all the other opportunities before that. Granted she might have to admit that Lee was probably more important to her than any of her other fellow pilots. That it was going to take a lot more for her to risk his life. But admitting that wouldn't be so hard, would it?

Sadly, no one she had talked to in the past week had asked why she did it, and she knew she wasn't about to volunteer that information.

It was ironic really. That little bit of information was probably the only thing in her defense, but no one wanted to hear it. Not to mention that she might just possibly be a little afraid to tell anyone that her actions were ruled by her emotions and not the hardened desire to do her job. It would be taking away from the image she had worked so hard to create and then maintain.

The unfinished flight schedule papers she had been working on for the past hour lay spread out all over her bunk. It had fallen to her to pick up the slack that having an inactive CAG had caused. She was doing the job she never wanted. She couldn't complain, though. In the end, it was all her fault.

Taking a deep breath, she dived into the wonderful world of paperwork that Lee had always complained of. Hopefully this wouldn't be as hard as everyone thought it was. She began to work her way down the list of available pilots and open flight times as quickly as she could.

About twenty minutes into her work, she realized the bunkroom had fallen abruptly silent.

She didn't bother to look up from her work as she yelled, "Frak! If I didn't know you guys better, I would think you actually got some respect for people trying to get a little shut eye between shifts."

"I sent them all away."

Her hand froze in midair as Lee's voice registered in her mind. Damnit. When had he gotten out of sickbay? And why hadn't she known? She was not ready to talk to him yet.

She took a moment to look him over. His arm was still bandaged tightly and wrapped up in a sling so that not even a full fleet of Cylon Raiders could cause him to move it. His face showed signs of fatigue that she knew from her previous sick bay experiences had to be present. On the whole, though, he did not look like a man whose whole life had been irrevocably ruined.

He motioned at the empty bunkroom. "I figured they wouldn't want to hear you and me hashing this whole problem we have out. At least, I didn't want any witnesses. It's highly likely that one of us is going to end up killing the other. And you probably have two to one odds since what you did last week."

She continued to stare at him. This rather morbid sense of humor was not something she was used to from him. It made her a little afraid to respond to anything he was saying. With the mood he was in, he would probably just try to choke her or something. And she didn't want to die before she could apologize.

He sighed and walked over to stand in front of her bunk. "You know, this is going to be a lot easier if you start talking back. I might actually get some of the answers that I need to have. It seems like you haven't really been volunteering much information to anyone these days."

"You know, I been thinking for days what I have to say that you'll want to hear, and I haven't been able to come up with one thing," she said turning away to stare at the wall. "This is all new to me because I don't think I've ever screwed up this bad with you before."

"No, you haven't. And I didn't think it was even possible, but you seem to have managed it. You always seem to surprise me, Kara." He sighed and cleared his through while shifting so that he was leaning against the ladder near her bunk. "Listen. All I want to know is why you did it. Why did you fire that shot? Once you tell me that, I'm done. I'll leave you to whatever you're doing."

"And never talk to me again?" she asked, glaring at him. When he didn't answer her, she realized that her interpretation of his cold tone had been correct. Somehow over the past week, he done what she had always thought was impossible. He had given up on her. It rattled something inside her. Made her forget that she was the one to blame.

"Fine, Lee. I'll answer that if you answer a question that's been bothering me for the past week. Why did you push Zarek out of the way? Because none of this would have happened if you had just let me take the shot. It was as clean and straight as it could possibly be. If you hadn't shoved him, it would have missed you by a mile. I made sure."

"Do not pin this on me, Lieutenant."

She paled at his use of her rank. Lee only called her by that when he was hovering on the edge of losing his temper. It seemed like she was screwing up already even though they were only ten seconds into this conversation. "I'm sorry. It seems that all I can do lately is frak things up. I can't even apologize right."

"Correct. And I'm not asking for an apology. I just want you to answer my question so we can get this over with." When she stayed silent, he asked again. "What made you take that shot?"

"Because it was clean," she answered simply. She picked a few of the pages up off her bed and studied them intently. If redirection wouldn't work, maybe she could just ignore the problem and it would go away. She knew she was taking whatever easy way out she could find, but this whole situation was getting to be too much to handle. First, the world ends, and now her only real relationship was ending. In her mind, that was just not fraking fair.

"That's it? You took the shot because there was nothing stopping you?"

Okay. She had had a nagging suspicion the easy way out wasn't going to work.

"I took the shot because Zarek needed to be taken down. I didn't know you were going to play the hero."

He threw up his hands and gave a loud groan. "I should have known you wouldn't give me a straight answer. You never could own up to your mistakes." He made his way to the hatch leading out into the corridor before changing his mind and turning back to glare at her. "Maybe it hasn't quite hit home with you yet, but you shot me, Kara! You are the reason that I can never take a plane up into that sky again. You are the reason that I suddenly have to figure out what to do with my life. I don't know how I could be any help to Galactica if I'm not in a cockpit." He threw his hands up into the air. "But, hey, maybe I was wrong to think that you owed me a little explanation. I must not have taken into account how much you'd be going through. My mistake."

She watched him turn and pause at the door before opening the hatch to leave. One outburst and that was all. He was really just going to walk away from her. This was the man who had never, ever walked away from her. That's one of the reasons she loved him. And she had frakked things up so bad that he wasn't even giving it a second thought.

She couldn't let him do that. Both for her sake and for his. As much as either of them avoided it, one couldn't keep going without the other. The world was over. There really wasn't much else to lean on if she didn't have him.

"Lee! Wait. I do owe you an explanation."

He didn't turn to face her, but he did shut the hatch again. So maybe he hadn't given up on her completely. "I don't know if I want to hear it anymore. I didn't think it would be so hard trying to talk to you. I should probably get back before I do even more damage to my arm."

"Please."

She could tell he understood the significance of her request. In her lifetime, she had only used that word maybe two or three times. She wasn't one to beg someone to do what she wanted. She was always more the type to just punch them until they listened.

But this was too important to keep her pride in tact. There was nowhere she could run if she screwed this up. She would have to live with her mistake and the fear that had kept her from speaking up for the rest of her life. And for once, that didn't seem like such an appealing option.

He turned to face her but didn't say anything.

"I took that shot because I thought it was what everyone would want me to do. The whole crew on Galactica was appalled at what those prisoners on the Astral Queen did to you and to the others. Everyone was talking about what they would do if there was the chance to exact revenge. How the prisoners deserved to be hurt. And all of the sudden, there I was. In that position."

"So you're saying you took that shot because it was what you thought the Fleet would want?"

"Yes and no. It was part of it." She rose out of her bed and walked over to him. "Lee, I was watching you negotiate with Zarek the whole time through my rifle scope. Every time I had a clear shot, this little voice in my head kept telling me that I should show him what screwing with someone I care about could do."

"Funny what you do to those you care about."

She bit her lip as his words stung her. They rang true, but that still didn't mean she liked to hear them. "I know."

"So, why didn't you take any of those shots? If you had so many options, why did you wait until both he and I thought we were safe?"

"I kept seeing myself miss. As good as I know I am, I couldn't risk if you had taken a step in the wrong direction. I couldn't risk hitting you."

"But you did."

"I know." She took a deep breath. She really wanted to start yelling at him again for pushing Zarek out of the way, but she knew that would destroy any second chance he might have just given her. "Listen, Lee. You have to understand. You mean a lot to this Fleet. Probably a hell of a lot more than I do, and I've been here for years. You were the only one who stepped up to be our CAG. As hard as it's been for you, everyone appreciated it. I appreciated it."

She took a breath and kept going. "I couldn't be the one to take that away from the Fleet. So I waited until Zarek let down his guard. I actually kept a hold on the damn hero complex I've been nurturing for so long, and I waited. And then I got angry."

"You got angry." He was straining to understand where she was going with this.

"I could see what that bastard had done to you and to Cally. And it made me mad that someone could do that to you with such ease. And so you took a few steps back from him and I took the shot. The next thing I know I'm being ushered to a shuttle and they're telling me that I didn't hit Zarek."

"I saw the laser site."

"I figured."

They lapsed into silence. Neither really knew what to say. He had gotten his answer, and she had finally been able to tell someone what went on behind the shot. The strange thing was the fear hadn't gone away. She had thought explaining it to him would make everything better, but now that it was done, she wasn't sure. It was all out of her hands, and she didn't like that feeling of no control.

"I only wanted to keep you safe," she muttered, finally turning from him and walking back to the bunk. She rested her head against the bunk above hers. "It's what you've been doing for me since Zak died. I figured it was time I tried to return the favor. I guess I've learned my lesson. Nothing good can come of me caring for someone. Just call me the bringer of pain and suffering."

"That's melodramatic even for you, Thrace."

His tone was almost joking, which struck her as odd. She wasn't about to comment on it, though. This whole thing had started to teach her the merit of keeping your observations to yourself.

After a moment, she felt him walk over to stand beside her. "It's the truth, Lee. I've been a frak up all my life. It's high time I stop pulling your family into that."

His hand touched her shoulder lightly. She looked over at him and was surprised to see that the anger was no longer in his eyes. "My family's in it, no matter what you do, Kara. Somewhere down the line, it seems like you became a part of it. That's what makes your screw-ups even hard to understand."

She bit her lip as her nerves started kicking around inside of her again. "So, where do we go from here?"

"I'm not really sure. I've never been grounded for life." He gave her probably the bravest smile she had ever seen. "I don't know if I'm going to be able to understand why you fired that shot, no matter how many times you try to explain. I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to truly forgive you for taking flying away from me because you wanted to play the hero of the Fleet one more time. But I do know that you really didn't mean it to end up like this. And you are a part of my family, no matter how dysfunctional your presence makes us."

"So?"

"So, I don't know," he answered honestly.

"Me, either." Her eyes fell down to the papers lying on her bed. "I have to finish this schedule before my next shift."

"I'll leave you to it, then. The doctor's going to want me back in sick bay anyway. It looks like there's hours of rehabilitation in my future."

She nodded and watched him leave the bunkroom without another word. She had no idea where they stood, but at least she had gotten her apology out.

And he was still speaking to her. That had to be a good sign.

Maybe the Lords of Kobol had been listening to her after all.

* * *

Two months later, Kara looked over at the person currently helping her work through the massive mound of paperwork on her desk. He was lost in the thought, trying to figure out how Boomer had gotten scheduled for two flights at the same time. If she didn't know better, she would have guessed he was actually enjoying himself.

"We're doing okay, aren't we, Lee?" she said, causing him to jump.

"As long as you stop making stupid mistakes on these schedules, I think so."

"That's not what I was talking about."

He looked up at her and smiled. "Yeah. Somehow I think we're doing just fine." He threw the papers down and leaned back in his chair. "Have you talked to my father lately?"

"No. I've been too busy with all this stupid CAG stuff. I never wanted this fraking job."

"Not according to my father. He seems to have gotten the idea that you and I planned that whole incident on the Astral Queen."

"Really?"

"He seems to think I'm vying to take Colonel Tigh's job now that I can't fly. He says that those that can't fly, command."

She rolled her eyes. "I guess I should just be happy that he didn't throw me out an airlock for what I did to you."

"Then who would be the CAG?" he asked her.

"I am going to regret taking that shot for the rest of my life, aren't I?"

He laughed and went back to the job at hand.

That laugh was the most welcome sound she had ever heard. They might not be back to where they were before, but things were not as bad as she had once feared. Lee had found his place working in CIC alongside many of the people he had come to consider friends. She had begrudgingly accepted the promotion to CAG and spent most of her time right here, working alongside Lee to keep her pilots flying.

And there was a rumor going around that Lee might actually be able to pilot a Raptor in a few months if he kept working at his rehab.

For the first time in a long while, she realized that things were going to be all right no matter how bad she screwed up.

Even if it meant doing a lifetime of paperwork.


End file.
